confused

Question

I'm only 16 and I had unprotected sex about 3 weeks ago and I have some of these signs. I am so worried because the person it was with I've liked for years.

Its my older brother's friend, hes a bit older than me and I mean I realllllly have been in love with him for years haha, but I know he's one of those guys that just plays around and I know he wouldnt want anything to do with the baby if I kept it.. well im almost 100 percent sure he wouldn't, judging from what I know about him.

So I dont know if theres any point in telling him because he might just run away from it and never want anything to do with me ever again and I really don't want to ruin my chances. But then I'm also scared that if he finds out and hates me for not telling him because I thought wrong then that would eat me alive knowing I could have had something beautiful.

I know I'm too young to have kids and I'm not ready for a full-on life at the moment, but he's the only person I would ever sacrifice that for.

I sound like a big cheeseball but its honestly true, what do i do!? Please help me I'm so confused:/

Answer

Hi and thank you for your submission, I hope I can help in some way.

Firstly, you need to establish whether or not you are actually pregnant. If your period is due but has not started then you should get a home pregnancy test and read the instructions carefully before taking the test. The best time to take the test is first thing in the morning using your first urine of the day. This is because the pregnancy hormone that these tests detect is strongest when your urine is most concentrated.

If you are not pregnant than there is no need to worry about any of the other issues, and the only advice I would give is to try to be more careful in future as far as unprotected sex goes. Remember that using protection is not just for stopping unwanted pregnancies, but if your partner is the type that has slept around then there is the chance that he could have a STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) and could pass this to you.

If you test positive and are indeed pregnant then there are some very serious issues that need to be carefully considered.

The best advice I can give is for you to tell first the people who love you most (like your parents). They might be disappointed at first, but they will appreciate your honesty and will see that you need their help because they love you. Older people who care about you will be able to help you make sensible decisions about what to do.

As far as telling the young man who would be the child's father - I can understand your predicament. You don't want to push him away by scaring him and you don't want him to hate you for keeping it from him either. Sometimes the best thing to do isn't clear, or it seems like you're damned either way. Unfortunately this is the kind of consequence that comes from mistakes like this. We all make mistakes because we are all imperfect, but we also have to deal with the consequences as best we can.

If you don't tell him it really means you are taking away his right to decide whether or not he wants to be a father. You can guess that he won't be interested from what you know of him, but really he has the right to decide that for himself.

Things always turn out worse if secrets are kept from people who really have a right to know. Things have a way of coming out eventually, and when they do, there are a lot more hurt feelings and a lot more upset.

I really feel that you should tell him the truth. If you decide to keep the baby but he doesn't want to know, then quite frankly, he's not as great as you think he is and you're better off without him.

If he cares about you and is a decent, worthy person, then he will support you through this. Don't make the mistake of thinking that it's all your problem and that you have to bear the burden on your own. He is equally responsible for what has happened and he needs to know about it, and also know that he is expected to do something. He has to deal with the consequences of his actions too.

If he refuses, it tells you a lot about the sort of person he is.

Many people fall pregnant by mistake and are not ready to have a baby. It can be a very scary time and you may feel like your life is over.

Before you do anything, please consider that there could be positive things that come from keeping an unwanted baby.

There are also other options that don't involve killing an unborn baby, an actual little person growing inside you, like putting a child up for adoption. There are so many people in this world who would desparately like to have a baby but can't have their own.

Whatever you decide to do, don't do it on your own. Get your family and friends around you and lean on them for support. Don't make any rushed decisions and try to consider what is going to be best for you and your child.

I really hope this gets resolved in the best way and that I've been of some use to you.

Take care and all the best...

Jojo
Pregnancy Friend

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your chance to ask a question.....